I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So squirting runs in the family.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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