I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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