I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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