just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
