"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
