I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
