3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
