If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
