I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
