how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
