Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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