Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wish my penis had a tongue
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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