I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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