3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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