i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
