this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
