I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
