the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
