She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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