she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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