she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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