If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
