i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
