get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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