listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
