sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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