i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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