He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
time to smoke my breakfast
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
