Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
