i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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