things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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