My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
