I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
