mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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