i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
being pregnant is like rehab
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
