She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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