he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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