Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
