she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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