I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
