he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
