I hate all girls vehemently.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
