It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
