eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
