Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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