He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
