I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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