I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
