I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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