I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
