do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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