just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
