Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
